[英语课]

Walking Dog

     The little boy was making a manful effort to lead a large, shaggy dog. "Where are you taking him?' he was asked.
     "I don't know yet," the lad replied, "but when he makes up his mind where he wants to go, I'm going to take him there."

[英语课]

Who for Whom

      Dismayed by the size of the Newfoundland dog given to him for his birthday, the small boy wanted to know, "Is he for me, or am I for him?"

[英语课]

Keep It Confidential

     "Don't you and your wife ever have a difference of opinion?"
     "Sure we do -- but I don't tell her about it."

[英语课]

Modern Life

      Two old friends got together after many years and soon fell to discussing their husbands' faults.
      "We've been married fifteen years," one woman said,"and every night after dinner my husband complains about the food."
      "How terrible!" exclaimed the other. "Does it bother you?"
      "Why should it bother me" her friend replied. "if he can't stand his own cooking?"

[英语课]

Both Mistaken

     An author once praised another writer heartily to a third person.
     "It is strange," replied the other, "that you speak so well of him, for he says you are a quack."
     "Oh," replied the author, "it is very likely that both of us may be mistaken."

[英语课]

Modern Mathematics

      How old are you? When a census taker asked a certain woman this, she said, "Well, now, let me figure it out. I was eighteen when I married and my husband was thirty. He is now sixty, or twice as old as he was then, so I am now thirty-six."

[英语课]

Made a Hundred

     Boy: I made a hundred in school today, Mom.
     Mom: Good! What did you make it in?
     Boy: Well, I made forty in reading, thirty in spelling, and thirty in arithmetic.

[英语课]

Wanted To Help

Teacher: If there are any dumbbells in the room, please stand up.
             (After a long pause, a student stood up.)
Teacher: What! Do you consider yourself a dumbbell?
Student: Well, not exactly that, sir, but I hate to see you standing all alone.

[英语课]

Joke

      When a woman parishioner called at her clergyman's home, the minister's little son blurted out, "My, how ugly you are!"
      Horrified, his mother exclaimed, "Johnny, whatever do you mean by saying such a thing?"
      "I only meant it for a joke, Mother," Johnny stammered.
      "Well," his mother purred unwittingly, "how much better the joke would have been if you had said to Mrs. Smith, 'How pretty you are!'"

[家教老师]

Balancing the Budget

     Harried wife, figuring at a desk, to husband and children, "Well, I worked out a budget, but one of us will have to go."

[英语课]

Education

      Mama Mouse was introducing her offspring to the ways of the world when they were confronted by a cat. Mama immediately began barking like a dog. The cat took off.
      Turning back to her young, Mama announced, "That shows the importance of learning a second language!"

[英语课]

Eternal Puzzle

      "Oh, mamma, I want to ask you something."
      "All right, dearest."
      And then dearest says -- "You never saw me before I was born, did you, mamma?"
      "No, darling."
      And then the darling says --"Then how did you know it was me?"

[英语课]

Mother and Bank

    Every time when a child asked his mother for money, she would say, "What do you think I am? A Bank?"
    So  the child went to ask for money in a bank. The clerk said to him, "What do you think I am? Your mother?"

[英语课]

Smart

Old Lady: Isn't it wonderful how these filling-station people know where to set up pumps and get gas?

[家教老师]

Trying

        A mother, distressed about her daughter's report card, called the school.
        "Isn't she trying?" she asked the child's teacher.
        The teacher sighed wearily, "Yes, very."