Some jokes (Chinese language + English language) to learn English better.
Clever news reporter
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
街上，一辆轿车发生了车祸，一大群人围观。一个报社记者急着想报道这一车祸，可是他挤不到跟前。
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
他是个聪明的人，于是大声地喊起来："让我进去！让我进去！我是受害者的儿子。"
The crowd made way for him.
围观人群给他让开一条路。
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
在车前躺着的是一头驴。
Very stupid robbers
愚蠢的贼
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
两个劫匪正在抢劫一家酒店。其中一个叫道："我听到警报响了。赶紧往下跳啊！"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
另一个喊道："可咱们在十三层啊！"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
那个劫匪回答道："没时间迷信那个了。"
A man forgot to buy turkey for Thanksgiving
感恩节的火鸡
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
感恩节的头一天，肉店刚要关门，突然有人大声敲门。
"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"快开门，"男人拼命大喊说，"我忘了买火鸡了，要是回家没带上一只的话，我老婆会宰了我的。"
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"好吧，"肉店老板说，"让我看看还剩下什么了。"他进了冷藏室，发现只剩下一只瘦得可怜的火鸡了。他拿给男人看。
"That one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.
"这也太瘦了吧，还有么？"男人说。
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
于是老板把它拿回冷藏室，待了会儿，又把它拿给那个男人。
"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
"噢不！"男人说，"看上去比刚才那只好不了多少。你还是把两只都卖给我吧。"
Brag about parents
比父母
An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.
一个年轻的陆军士兵跟一个海军士兵吹牛，说他爸多么了不起。
"My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"
"我爸是个工程师。他什么都会。你知道阿尔卑斯山么？"
"Yes," said the Navy brat.
"知道，"海军说。
"My dad has built them."
"我爸建的。"
Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"
年轻的海军说："那你知道死海么？"
"Yes."
"知道。"
"It's my dad who's killed it!"
"那可是我爸弄死的"
He is a very smart dog
它是条非常聪明的狗
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried its eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
有天我去电影院看电影。在前排的是一位老头儿，陪伴他的是一条狗。电影就是那种时而搞笑时而悲伤的，你应该知道。在悲伤的部分， 狗都快把眼珠子哭出来了，而到了好笑的情节，狗就几乎把脑袋笑掉了。电影结束以后，我决定去和那人聊聊。
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
"这是我所见过的最奇异的事，"我说道，"那狗看上去真的很欣赏这电影。"
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
那人转向我，说："是，是这样的。可它讨厌这电影的原著。"
Topic: Learning English From Jokes (Read 1606 times)