Author Topic: Jokes of the day that are really funny (Read 22670 times)

MSL · « **on:** March 31, 2015, 02:36:20 AM »

Jokes of the day

I think it's time to start another, new jokes topic. Please post your jokes of the day and especially the ones

that are really funny

.

A man sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Rob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you! I know it's no excuse, but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer! I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology!!! It won't happen again!"

Feeling outrage and betrayed goes into the bedroom to meet his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text:

"Really should use spell check! That should be "wi-fi"."

MSL · « **Reply #1 on:** March 31, 2015, 02:47:57 AM »

- A policeman just knocked on my door and said that my dogs were chasing people on bikes!
- Really?!
- Yes, but my dogs don't even own bikes...

MSL · « **Reply #2 on:** April 01, 2015, 05:55:36 AM »

Two friends were walking along a river when one said, "Look! A dead bird!"... The other looked up.

Alexa · « **Reply #3 on:** April 08, 2015, 01:17:04 AM »

How to get lots of women to ask you out.
How to get lots of women to ask you out? Just go in the women's bathroom...

SEO · « **Reply #4 on:** April 08, 2015, 12:07:35 PM »

I asked a girl to text me when she got home... She must be homeless!

И. · « **Reply #5 on:** April 20, 2015, 02:06:56 AM »

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in... an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which my wife's father died and left us 10 million dollars."

MSL · « **Reply #6 on:** April 22, 2015, 04:28:10 AM »

They say you get closer to God when you die... because you stop existing.

SEO · « **Reply #7 on:** May 05, 2015, 02:33:21 AM »

4 students plan to arrive late to their final exam, so they can take it the next day.

By the time they arrive, the exam is almost over, so they head over to the professor to ask, if they can take it the next day.

They tell him they tried their best to come on time, but their tire blew out and it took too long to replace it.

The professor tells them, "Don't worry about it!!! You can take it today and, since there's almost no time left, you only have to answer one question! If you get it right, I'll give you an A on the test." The students, thinking this is even better than they thought, excitedly take their seats and look at the question:
"Which tire blew out?"

Gay · « **Reply #8 on:** May 17, 2015, 06:18:43 AM »

-- You look different in your online profile!
-- I was impressing you with my Photoshop skills.

SEO · « **Reply #9 on:** June 11, 2015, 05:04:24 AM »

A funny one about the colorchanger.

The teacher showed his class pictures of a chameleon changing color.
"Does anyone know what this animal is called?"
"A colorchanger," said Johnnie. "No. That's not right. The correct name is 'chameleon.'
Johnnie thought for a minute, then asked, "An animal like that, that can change its color -- is it so hard to believe it can't change its name too?"

^{"Indian Chameleon (Chamaeleo zeylanicus) Photograph By Shantanu Kuveskar" by Shantanu Kuveskar - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Indian_Chameleon_(Chamaeleo_zeylanicus)_Photograph_By_Shantanu_Kuveskar.jpg#/media/File:Indian_Chameleon_(Chamaeleo_zeylanicus)_Photograph_By_Shantanu_Kuveskar.jpg}

Alexa · « **Reply #10 on:** June 15, 2015, 01:57:28 AM »

Today a man knocked on our door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool... I gave him a glass of water.

PageRank · « **Reply #11 on:** June 21, 2015, 01:52:36 AM »

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, "I know it's hard. You're going to be okay! Here is chocolate and... 5 million dollars."

MSL · « **Reply #12 on:** June 23, 2015, 03:25:23 AM »

The inventor of knock-knock jokes should win... a no-bell prize.

MSL · « **Reply #13 on:** June 26, 2015, 03:00:37 AM »

Who is that handsome man? Oh... I clicked on my own profile again!

Gay · « **Reply #14 on:** June 27, 2015, 03:48:43 AM »

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his father to buy him a car.
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" asked the boy.
"I suppose a car would be in order if you can: 1. raise your grades from C's to B's, 2. you study your Bible, and 3. cut your hair." replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise.
Seven weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?!"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." said the boy, "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that Jesus may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

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