Author Topic: British and American Jokes (Read 13166 times)

家教老师 · « **Reply #30 on:** September 13, 2012, 03:39:58 PM »

Did Your Father Help You?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"

英语课 · « **Reply #31 on:** September 16, 2012, 01:52:21 PM »

Rivals

Two rival authoresses met the other day. One had just had a new book published.
First: Darling, I think it's a masterpiece. Who wrote it for you?
Second: I'm so glad you like it. Who read it for you?

英语课 · « **Reply #32 on:** September 16, 2012, 01:54:49 PM »

Gallant and Buoyant

A plump old lady struggled up onto a bus without her husband making any attempt to help her. "Eh, Henry," she said, as she sank into a seat, "you ain't as gallant as you were when I was a gal."
"No, luv," he replied, "and you ain't as buoyant as you were when I was a boy."

家教老师 · « **Reply #33 on:** October 01, 2012, 11:56:10 AM »

Biblical

An exasperated saleman parked his car in a no-parking zone, and left this note for the policeman, who he felt sure would spot it, “I've circled this block twenty times. I have an appointment and must keep it or I will lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses!"
Upon returning, he found this note, “I've circled this block twenty years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation!"

websky19 · « **Reply #34 on:** November 22, 2012, 01:27:43 AM »

Most summer Olympic events have no practical value, which is why the balance beam is so refreshing. When “beam-ers” retire, even the worst ones can beat field sobriety tests for the rest of their lives.

shymajones · « **Reply #35 on:** December 12, 2012, 05:00:20 AM »

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

И. · « **Reply #36 on:** July 26, 2014, 03:14:59 AM »

Ha ha!

A student: My father's name is LAUGHING and my mother's name is SMILING.
His teacher: You must be kidding?
The student: No. That's my brother. I'm JOKING...

Nadia · « **Reply #37 on:** August 27, 2014, 06:19:51 PM »

Some vegan jokes I like:
1)
-- Why don't vegans eat birds?
-- Because birds have eggs in them!

2)

-- Why did the tofu cross the road?
-- To prove it wasn't chicken.

3)
ATTENTION! This one is my f-a-v-o-r-i-t-e!
-- What does a vegan zombie eats?
-- "Ggggggrraaaiiinnnsss!"

4)
-- How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
-- Only one, if nobody's looking.

The End

И. · « **Reply #38 on:** August 28, 2014, 08:58:29 PM »

I wish my wallet was as fat as I am.

:P;D

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