Author Topic: British and American Jokes (Read 13953 times)

英语课 · « **on:** August 05, 2012, 11:27:35 AM »

Let's have some fun every day!

A smile can make you ten years younger. Happiness is the best cosmetic.

英语课 · « **Reply #1 on:** August 05, 2012, 11:31:40 AM »

Smart Student

Teacher: Name some of Thomas Edison's contributions to science.

Student: If it weren't for Edison, we'd all be watching television by candle light.

英语课 · « **Reply #2 on:** August 05, 2012, 11:44:50 AM »

An Essay

"Now, children," said the teacher, "I want you to write me an essay without a theme - just put down what is in you."
Ten minutes later Jimmy handed in the following:
"In me there is a heart, a lung, and an appendix. And there is a stomach with two pieces of bread and butter, an apple, and five caramel."

SEO · « **Reply #3 on:** August 05, 2012, 03:44:35 PM »

Mother and Bank

Every time when a child asked his mother for money, she would say, "What do you think I am? A bank?"
So the child went to ask for money in a bank. The clerk said to him, "What do you think I am? Your mother?"

MSL · « **Reply #4 on:** August 05, 2012, 07:20:48 PM »

Like a vicious circle: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtuous_circle_and_vicious_circle

MSL · « **Reply #5 on:** August 05, 2012, 08:18:12 PM »

WOW! Literally; to the letter!

MSL · « **Reply #6 on:** August 05, 2012, 08:54:27 PM »

Hehe, so "smart" that even hasn't idea about the old vacuum tube television sets.

More about the vacuum tube: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vacuum_tube#History_and_development

英语课 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 06, 2012, 10:27:19 AM »

No Wonder

"Has the laundry make a mistake?" asked Mr. Brown. "This shirt is so tight I can hardly breathe."
"Yes, it's your shirt all right." replied his wife, "but you've got your head through a buttonhole."

英语课 · « **Reply #8 on:** August 06, 2012, 10:29:53 AM »

More Reliable

We were discussing various kinds of clocks in my kindergarten class. "Now you have an alarm clock at home, don't you?" I asked one of the pupils.
"Oh, no," he replied, "we don't need one. We have a grandmother."

MSL · « **Reply #9 on:** August 11, 2012, 01:26:12 AM »

WOW! The buttonhole!...

It's really unexpected! Good, very good joke!

MSL · « **Reply #10 on:** August 11, 2012, 01:30:28 AM »

Reliable

That's the word!

Do you know what I think? I think sometimes the titles of the jokes are also as funny or/and smart as the joke (the content of the joke) itself! "More reliable"

Nice! Really.

家教老师 · « **Reply #11 on:** August 11, 2012, 11:39:56 AM »

We Have The Same Mother

Billy and his brother Davy were in the same class. The teacher assigned them to write a composition "My Mother". Davy wrote one and Billy just copied it. On the next day, the teacher asked Billy, "How is it that your composition is exactly the same with Davy's?"
"We have the same mother, don't we?" replied Billy.

家教老师 · « **Reply #12 on:** August 11, 2012, 11:44:07 AM »

Unreasonable Complaint

Two friends were having dinner together. There was only one dish with two fish in it, one larger and the other smaller. One of the friends got the larger fish and the other was very angry.
"How selfish you are!" he cried.
"Why?" his friend was surprised.
"You've got the larger fish."
"What would you do if you were me?"
"I'm sure I would choose the smaller one."
"Then what are you complaining of? You've got your smaller fish."

英语课 · « **Reply #13 on:** August 14, 2012, 12:17:20 PM »

What Lincoln Did?

Father: "Get up, son. When Lincoln was your age, do you know what he was doing?"
Son: "No, Dad, I don't. But I do know what he was doing when he was your age."

英语课 · « **Reply #14 on:** August 14, 2012, 12:20:20 PM »

Good Answer

Interviewing an applicant for a chauffeur's job, a man said,"Now, I want a very careful chauffeur, one who doesn't take the slightest risk."
The applicant responded,"I'm your man, sir. Can I have my salary in advance?"

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